Month: June 2017
A coach tour around 3 countries in Europe – Italy Switzerland and France. My OCD gave me hell but I managed it, I won’t be doing it again but it was worth it for a few reasons.
- The organisational skills – getting up straight away when I hear that alarm. We were up at 7 every day, this is not something my body let alone my OCD is used to. I found that it was beneficial after the first couple days, the tiredness subsided and I was able to say FU OCD. It taught me that I have to schedule in ME TIMES, in order to relax and shower. Ready for the following morning.
- Social anxiety is off the chart – constant checking of conversations and the way people behave towards me. More paranoia than social anxiety, conversations about me ETC, perhaps that is why I’m psychotic. This element was exhausting.
- There is peace in some of the things I saw. Mainly the amazing scenes of Switzerland and museum du Louvre in Paris.
- I’m a nice guy. I was always nice towards people and even though I probably appeared odd, as we do, caught up in rumination, I still realize that I am calm on the outside.
- Honesty – I was honest about my illness to a few people that I met. I could tell straight away that they knew I was being genuine.
- I want to do more travelling. Even if its on my own I want to go back to Switzerland but also head west. If I stay in hostels I can choose to speak to people. Even though I did the coach tour, it was not suitable for people with mental illness. Some points mainly due to my first point ‘organisation’ it caused so much unbearable anxiety.
- That brings me to anxiety. The wrath of unreason. The chains on the brain. I simply meditated as a necessity. If I didn’t know how to meditate, I would have certainly failed and cut my trip short. The trip forced me to meditate so I am now In a good position to keep up my practice.
So, although I realise I should not have done a coach tour, I acknowledge that it has pushed me closer to where I need to be headed- learning to take that time to relax for one even if it takes forever, and work on the things I mentioned. I will re edit this as it is very brief right now, just needed to get it started down on paper.